i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
vagina is talking i cant
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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