I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
