It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
