I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
