So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
