That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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