Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
