I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
