woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
