I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
