maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
