WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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