we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
