Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
