Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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