youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Porn is love you can see.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
