I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
