What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
