where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I hate all girls vehemently.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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