Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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