Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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