ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
