i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
