Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
