I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
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