i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
