is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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