I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
