glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
