why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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