i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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