Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
