Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
