He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
