What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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