How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
