One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
