Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
