How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
