ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
