went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
