you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
