k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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