if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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