You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
