i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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