He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
