ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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