You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
