i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
