The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
