I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
