So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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