so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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