When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
